The Concept of Handling Difficult Conversations

Handling Interpersonal Conflict
The Concept of Handling Difficult Conversations
Difficult conversations are topics that are difficult to discuss. They range from sexuality, race, gender, politics and religion. However, awkwardness and discomfort are not limited to specific topics. Awkwardness can come about as a result of conflict or failing to meet expectations. Some conversations we dread and find unpleasant, and we can do all to avoid the face up to them (Stone et al. 2010).
Avoiding difficult conversations does not necessarily bring about solutions. Hesitation to have difficult conversations results from the fear of consequences whether we raise the issue or avoid it. Difficult conversations need to be hard as failure to have them may result in us feeling taken advantage of and why we can’t stand up for ourselves. Having these conversations may result in strained relationships with the recipients as they may feel attacked or rejected. Difficult conversations may feel like a hand grenade and therefore need tact in delivering them (Stone et al. 2010).
Every difficult conversation comprises three conversations. These include; the what happened conversation, the feelings conversation and the identity conversation. Then what happened conversation is the most difficult conversation as it involves disagreement about what happened or what is to happen. Who is right and who is wrong, who is to blame and what they meant by what they said (Stone et al. 2010).
The feelings of conversations include questions and answers about what each party felt. This includes the question of the validity of feelings, their appropriateness. Whether the feelings should be acknowledged or denied, whether they should be discussed or let go. It also includes what to do about the other person’s feelings, whether they are angry or not. A conflict between friends can be littered by feelings of being taken advantage of or not being appreciated (Stone et al. 2010).
The identity conversation is the conversation with the self about the meaning of a situation. The debate happens internally of whether we are competent or incompetent in handling situations or if we could have done something different. Questions about our character, whether good or bad, worthy of love or not, may come up. Our answers to these questions determine whether we feel balanced during the conversation or anxious (Stone et al. 2010).
Every conversation involves grappling with the three conversations. To engage successfully, we need to learn how to operate in each of these conversations. It is vital to engage in all three simultaneously instead of engaging in difficult conversations blindly.
The Concept of Disentangling Intent from Impact
In dealing with a difficult conversation, the question of who intended what is central to our situation. Intentions do influence our judgment of others. If they hurt us intentionally, we judge them more harshly than if they did not intend to. The impact of their actions may be forgiven if they did not intend to hurt us (Stone et al., 2010).
To prevent a conversation from bad to worse, we should avoid making assumptions about people’s intentions. Most times, we are not aware of people’s intentions in doing or saying certain things, and assuming that we do may result in worse problems. Clarifying our intentions does not necessarily mean that our recipients will not be justified to their feelings of anger. Clarifying our intentions may not be the end of a difficult conversation. Instead, when we clarify our intentions, we should understand how the other party is feeling and why. This fosters understanding and empathy for the hurt party (Stone et al., 2010). Assuming people’s intentions is often wrong, their intentions only exist in their minds and hearts and invisible to us.
 
References
Stone, D., Heen, S., & Patton, B. (2010). Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most. Penguin.
 
 

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